Friday, 23 March 2012

• **** book.

  

  The Summer of 2008, was the summer I grew up.
   I am not going to tell you my name, for in reality you wouldnt care. Lets just say im that girl in your class that sits back row in a desk isolated from others. That girl who yelled at you to move out of her way because she had a place to go, a place to belong. My story starts when I was thriteen, the time when everything fell apart. Just moved into a house with a new stepdad and a new town. I was then, the girl who hated everyone and who put up a wall noone could overcome. I have been backstabbed by friends, pushed down stairs, and jumped for money.  I turned into a wall that year. People would speak to me, but I wouldn't acknowlege them, couldnt hear them, I was deep within my self. I prayed every night for someone to save me. 

   I first saw him in science class 9th grade, the one who changed my life forever. He won me over by his smile,  his heart, and his courage. He was the joker of the class. We became friends, but he never let me in. He had a wall up, like me, but it wasnt so bad. He was still happy, but the worst thing was him trying to impress his friends. His friends were the reason why he didnt want to be seen with me.  Time passed and we grew apart, like everyone else.  Then came the summer of Junior year, the year i found myself. Me and ** were always together, like peanut butter and jelly. He always reminded me of a young pony. So graceful, curious, yet brave and sensitive, but strong. We would run threw fields of flowers, forever hand in hand. There would be late night talks and staring at the stars. That summer he really opened up to me and i will never forget it. He would tell me, between cigerattes, his past. Twice I even saw my beautiful boy cry. He grew up not knowing love or affection, yet he could still see summer skys and sunsets. He still could see joy threw pain. He was my hero! My brave knight. That boy even saved my life a few times.
   True love is unexplainable, you cant understand it if you never felt it. Its like trying to explain an ocean if you never even seen a puddle.  As I weep now for those summer days to come back once more, as I weep for the hand that brushed gently past my face. I fear I will never see the boy I fell in love with again. **** was changing day by day. His mind was tempted by wonders, temptation bursting inside his young heart. And It finally overcame his love for me that day of september 13th. **** would think less and less of me and the love we shared. I was naive then, thinking love could conquer anything. I was wrong. 

  
           We would always fight, and I could always see the fire in his eyes flicker.  That spirit I saw in him was fading, and I hoped I could save him, like he saved me. He has hidding himself, and numbing **** took over my love's body.   In ****place stood a bleak, lifeless, hopeless man. A mere desolate creature.  I will never know the true feelings **** has anymore. I will never see his real self again. But I am glad I got to be by his side over the summer, even if it was a short time.
  And yet  It scares me, the path he is leading, for I know **** will never open up again. I will never have my security.
   Then and still now **** is my home. The love, trust, and affection I've held back so long, was found in him. And no matter how he is now, he will always and forever be my other half.  The last conversation I will never forget, before he went back into a darkness, blacker than outerspace, was about the hole.  The hole, I was stuck in so long ago at age thirteen. The hole that many teenagers never escape from.  And the last words off of my boy's lips were " I've been there my whole fucking life". 
  I am going to be forever wondering what happened to **** **** *******.

  

  Just a little of my writing from 2008. Who would have figured its 2012 now and crazy shit has happened.

   

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